lamalo

Animal comparisons nobody asked for

by someone who loves to compare irrelevant things

Tag

#Actinopterygii

15 matchups tagged Actinopterygii.

A small pinkish-white spotted handfish resting on the sandy seabed, propped upright on its splayed hand-like pectoral fins, its body covered in orange-brown spots.A large tarantula hawk wasp with a glossy blue-black body and rust-orange wings, perched on a plant.A Eurasian hoopoe standing on sandy ground, showing its cinnamon-brown body, long thin downcurved black bill, and folded black-and-white barred wings.A pale pinkish-white albino axolotl resting on gravel underwater, showing its wide flat head, upturned smiling mouth, and feathery red external gills fanning out behind its head.

Spotted Handfish vs Tarantula Hawk vs Eurasian Hoopoe vs Axolotl: A Fish That Walks on Its Hands, a Wasp That Feeds Your Living Body to Its Kid, a Bird That Wears Rotting-Meat Perfume, and a Salamander That Regrows Its Own Brain

Four animals with nothing in common except that they all made me say 'wait, WHAT' out loud in a quiet room.

2 weeks ago · 5 min

A wild platypus swimming in a creek in TasmaniaA Galapagos marine iguana resting on volcanic rock on Espanola IslandA northern stargazer fish specimen with its eyes and upturned mouth on the top of its blunt headA live frilled shark swimming in the deep sea, showing its long eel-like bodyClose-up of a southern cassowary's grey scaly feet showing the long dagger-like inner-toe claws

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Milk-Sweating Duck-Mole That Glows, a Salt-Sneezing Sea Lizard, a Fish With Its Face on the Roof, a 300-Toothed Dino Eel, and a Bird That Kicks Like a Velociraptor

Five weekday winners, one crown, zero chill. The champions of the week face off to decide who is the coolest, weirdest, and grossest of them all.

3 weeks ago · 7 min

A wild platypus swimming in a shallow creek in Tasmania, its brown fur wet and its dark duck-like bill visible at the water surface.A common cuttlefish hovering over the seabed in Arrabida Natural Park, Portugal, its fin fringe rippling along the mantle.A live Mystrium Dracula ant, a brick-red and brown worker, photographed in Danum Valley, Sabah, Malaysia.A leafy sea dragon drifting near the seafloor, its body covered in leaf-shaped appendages that mimic seaweed.

Platypus vs Common Cuttlefish vs Dracula Ant vs Leafy Sea Dragon: A Venomous Mammal That Glows and Has No Stomach, a Colorblind Genius With Three Hearts, an Ant That Drinks Its Kids' Blood at 200 MPH, and a Fish Cosplaying as Salad

Four animals that share exactly nothing except that evolution clearly filed each one under 'sure, why not.' We judge them on cool, weird, and gross, then crown one.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

A plump, dark purplish-grey Indian purple frog with a tiny head and pointed snout sitting on wet ground.Close-up looking into the open mouth of an Atlantic wolffish, showing its fang-like front teeth and rows of blunt crushing teeth.A black marine iguana basking on lava rock in the Galapagos Islands.A dense pile of pale, hairy Kiwa yeti crabs swarming a deep-sea hydrothermal vent chimney on the Antarctic seafloor.

Purple Frog vs Atlantic Wolffish vs Marine Iguana vs Hoff Crab: A Purple Water Balloon That Lives Underground, a Fish With Three Kinds of Teeth, a Lizard That Sneezes Salt and Shrinks Its Own Skeleton, and a Blind Crab Named After Hasselhoff's Chest

Four animals from four different classes, zero good decisions between them. We rank them on cool, weird, and gross, and somebody has to win.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

A northern stargazer fish showing its eyes and mouth positioned on the top of its headAn American giant water bug, a large flat brown aquatic true bug with grasping forelegsThe kakapo named Sirocco, a large mossy-green flightless parrot, among white liliesAn Etruscan shrew, a tiny grey-brown shrew, resting on a human hand for scale

Northern Stargazer vs Giant Water Bug vs Kakapo vs Etruscan Shrew: A Fish With Its Face on the Ceiling, a Bug That Drinks You Through a Straw, a Parrot That Forgot How to Fly, and a Mammal That Starves in Four Hours

One buried fish, one insect with a taste for smoothies, one chunky flightless parrot, and the smallest mammal alive. Absolutely nothing in common. Let's rank them anyway.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

A long-legged maned wolf with reddish fur and black stocking legs stretching outdoorsA pale, translucent Antarctic blackfin icefish with a large mouth and dark fins, photographed at Palmer Station, AntarcticaHoneypot ant repletes hanging from the nest with round, swollen, amber abdomens full of stored nectarA southern cassowary standing, showing its glossy black body, blue and red neck, red wattles, and grey casque

Maned Wolf vs Blackfin Icefish vs Honeypot Ant vs Southern Cassowary: A Fox on Stilts That Pees Weed, a Fish With Clear Blood, a Living Honey Balloon, and a Bird That Kicks Like a Velociraptor

One grassland stilt-dog, one Antarctic ghost fish, one ant that turned itself into a snack jar, and one bird that files taxes as a war crime. Only one gets the crown.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

The metallic blue-green emerald cockroach wasp (Ampulex compressa), also called the jewel waspClose-up profile of a marabou stork's bald pinkish head, massive wedge-shaped bill, and reddish neck skinA small blue-and-silver Glaucus atlanticus (blue dragon sea slug) with outstretched finger-like cerata on wet sand1896 scientific illustration of the pelican eel (Eurypharynx pelecanoides), a dark deep-sea eel with an enormous loose-hinged mouth and a long whip-like tailA long-eared jerboa (Euchoreutes naso), a tiny sandy-colored rodent with enormous ears

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Corpse Stork That Poops on Its Own Legs, a Fish That Is Mostly Mouth, a Wasp That Does Roach Brain Surgery, a Slug That Robs a Man o' War, and a Gerbil Wearing Satellite Dishes

Five weekday winners walk into the arena. Only one walks out wearing the crown. The other four can walk it off.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

A shaggy black binturong with a long tail resting on a wooden platformA dark giant vinegaroon with pincer-like pedipalps and a long thin whip tail on soilHistorical scientific illustration of the pelican eel with an enormous mouth and long whip tailA mata mata turtle with a knobby leaf-like shell and a broad flat triangular head underwater

Binturong vs Vinegaroon vs Pelican Eel vs Mata Mata Turtle: A Bearcat That Smells Like Movie Popcorn, an Arachnid That Sprays Vinegar From Its Butt, an Eel That Is 90 Percent Mouth, and a Turtle Pretending to Be Wet Garbage

One mammal, one arachnid, one fish, one reptile, zero good decisions. Four wildly unrelated animals enter, and I judge them on how cool, weird, and gross they are.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

A metallic emerald-green jewel wasp with red-orange upper legs perched on a leafAn Atlantic mudskipper resting on wet mud with bulging eyes set high on its headA live Pyrenean desman cupped in a hand, showing its long trunk-like snoutA common potoo perched upright on a branch with mottled grey-brown camouflage plumage

Jewel Wasp vs Atlantic Mudskipper vs Pyrenean Desman vs Common Potoo: A Wasp That Does Brain Surgery on Roaches and Walks Them to Their Grave, a Fish That Went for a Walk, a Trumpet-Nosed Mole That Eats Half Itself Daily, and a Bird That Turns Into a Log and Watches You Through Shut Eyes

Four animals, zero things in common, one crown. We judge on cool, weird, and gross, the only metrics that have ever mattered.

4 weeks ago · 5 min

A shoebill standing upright showing its massive clog-shaped hooked bill and pale grey plumageA shaggy striped hairy frogfish resting on the seafloor covered in whisker-like skin spinesA bright red and black fuzzy velvet ant, a wingless wasp, walking on the groundA long-eared jerboa, a tiny desert rodent with enormous ears and long hind legs

Shoebill vs Hairy Frogfish vs Velvet Ant vs Long-Eared Jerboa: A Statue That Swallows Crocodiles, a Fish in a Bad Wig, a Wasp Named After Killing Cattle It Never Killed, and a Rodent That Is 80 Percent Ears

Four kingdoms of vibe, zero theme, one winner. Judged only on cool, weird, and gross.

4 weeks ago · 5 min

A barreleye fish specimen collected during a NOAA Gulf of Alaska seamounts expedition, showing its rounded head and upward eyesA Texas horned lizard on sandy ground, showing its flattened spiny body and crown of cranial hornsA wetapunga giant weta specimen from the Auckland Museum entomology collection, showing its heavy body and long spiny legsA pink fairy armadillo showing its small pale-pink dorsal shell and large front digging clawsA live Osedax japonicus bone-eating worm on display at Enoshima Aquarium in Japan

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Glass-Headed Fish, a Blood-Squirting Lizard, a Sparrow-Sized Bug, a Blushing Sand Swimmer, and the Mouthless Worm That Ate Them All

Five weekday winners walk into the ring. One of them does not have a mouth, and somehow that is the one you should be afraid of.

5 weeks ago · 6 min

A Hispaniolan solenodon, a brown shrew-like mammal with a long flexible snout and small eyesA barreleye fish specimen collected from the deep sea, dome not intactA large glossy black Lord Howe Island stick insect specimen

Hispaniolan Solenodon vs Barreleye vs Lord Howe Tree Lobster: A Venomous Fossil That Smells Like a Goat, a Fish With a See-Through Skull, and a Bug That Came Back From the Dead

A mammal older than the last dinosaurs, a fish that looks up through its own transparent forehead, and the rarest insect on Earth walk into a bar. One leaves with a crown.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

A red-lipped batfish resting on the seafloor, showing its bright red lips and limb-like finsA lowland streaked tenrec with black fur and bright yellow stripes of spines along its backA wetapunga giant weta, a very large flightless cricket relative, perched on a branch

Red-Lipped Batfish vs Lowland Streaked Tenrec vs Wetapunga: A Fish in Lipstick That Can't Swim, a Mammal That Plays Itself Like a Violin, and a Bug as Heavy as a Sparrow

Three classes, three island nations, zero good decisions. We judge a Galapagos fish, a Madagascan stridulating mammal, and the heaviest insect ever weighed.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

A sarcastic fringehead poking its head out of a clear plastic tube on the sea floorA pink fairy armadillo specimen showing its small pink dorsal shell and silky white furAn assassin bug nymph carrying a mound of dead ant carcasses on its back

Sarcastic Fringehead vs Pink Fairy Armadillo vs Ant-Backpack Assassin Bug: A Fish That Kiss-Fights, a Dinner Roll That Swims Through Dirt, and a Bug That Wears Its Victims

One settles arguments by mouth-wrestling, one vanishes into solid ground, and one commutes wearing a pile of corpses. We judge all three on cool, weird, and gross.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

An ocean sunfish (Mola mola) swimming, showing its tall fins and truncated bodyA male peacock spider displaying its colorful iridescent abdomen

Ocean Sunfish vs Peacock Spider: The Biggest Doofus in the Sea Meets a 5mm Disco Ball

A two-ton fish that looks like a head that gave up, versus a spider the size of a grain of rice that dances for its life. Scale is meaningless here.

6 weeks ago · 4 min

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