lamalo

Animal comparisons nobody asked for

by someone who loves to compare irrelevant things

Tag

#Aves

11 matchups tagged Aves.

A small pinkish-white spotted handfish resting on the sandy seabed, propped upright on its splayed hand-like pectoral fins, its body covered in orange-brown spots.A large tarantula hawk wasp with a glossy blue-black body and rust-orange wings, perched on a plant.A Eurasian hoopoe standing on sandy ground, showing its cinnamon-brown body, long thin downcurved black bill, and folded black-and-white barred wings.A pale pinkish-white albino axolotl resting on gravel underwater, showing its wide flat head, upturned smiling mouth, and feathery red external gills fanning out behind its head.

Spotted Handfish vs Tarantula Hawk vs Eurasian Hoopoe vs Axolotl: A Fish That Walks on Its Hands, a Wasp That Feeds Your Living Body to Its Kid, a Bird That Wears Rotting-Meat Perfume, and a Salamander That Regrows Its Own Brain

Four animals with nothing in common except that they all made me say 'wait, WHAT' out loud in a quiet room.

3 weeks ago · 5 min

A wild platypus swimming in a creek in TasmaniaA Galapagos marine iguana resting on volcanic rock on Espanola IslandA northern stargazer fish specimen with its eyes and upturned mouth on the top of its blunt headA live frilled shark swimming in the deep sea, showing its long eel-like bodyClose-up of a southern cassowary's grey scaly feet showing the long dagger-like inner-toe claws

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Milk-Sweating Duck-Mole That Glows, a Salt-Sneezing Sea Lizard, a Fish With Its Face on the Roof, a 300-Toothed Dino Eel, and a Bird That Kicks Like a Velociraptor

Five weekday winners, one crown, zero chill. The champions of the week face off to decide who is the coolest, weirdest, and grossest of them all.

4 weeks ago · 7 min

A northern stargazer fish showing its eyes and mouth positioned on the top of its headAn American giant water bug, a large flat brown aquatic true bug with grasping forelegsThe kakapo named Sirocco, a large mossy-green flightless parrot, among white liliesAn Etruscan shrew, a tiny grey-brown shrew, resting on a human hand for scale

Northern Stargazer vs Giant Water Bug vs Kakapo vs Etruscan Shrew: A Fish With Its Face on the Ceiling, a Bug That Drinks You Through a Straw, a Parrot That Forgot How to Fly, and a Mammal That Starves in Four Hours

One buried fish, one insect with a taste for smoothies, one chunky flightless parrot, and the smallest mammal alive. Absolutely nothing in common. Let's rank them anyway.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

A long-legged maned wolf with reddish fur and black stocking legs stretching outdoorsA pale, translucent Antarctic blackfin icefish with a large mouth and dark fins, photographed at Palmer Station, AntarcticaHoneypot ant repletes hanging from the nest with round, swollen, amber abdomens full of stored nectarA southern cassowary standing, showing its glossy black body, blue and red neck, red wattles, and grey casque

Maned Wolf vs Blackfin Icefish vs Honeypot Ant vs Southern Cassowary: A Fox on Stilts That Pees Weed, a Fish With Clear Blood, a Living Honey Balloon, and a Bird That Kicks Like a Velociraptor

One grassland stilt-dog, one Antarctic ghost fish, one ant that turned itself into a snack jar, and one bird that files taxes as a war crime. Only one gets the crown.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

The metallic blue-green emerald cockroach wasp (Ampulex compressa), also called the jewel waspClose-up profile of a marabou stork's bald pinkish head, massive wedge-shaped bill, and reddish neck skinA small blue-and-silver Glaucus atlanticus (blue dragon sea slug) with outstretched finger-like cerata on wet sand1896 scientific illustration of the pelican eel (Eurypharynx pelecanoides), a dark deep-sea eel with an enormous loose-hinged mouth and a long whip-like tailA long-eared jerboa (Euchoreutes naso), a tiny sandy-colored rodent with enormous ears

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Corpse Stork That Poops on Its Own Legs, a Fish That Is Mostly Mouth, a Wasp That Does Roach Brain Surgery, a Slug That Robs a Man o' War, and a Gerbil Wearing Satellite Dishes

Five weekday winners walk into the arena. Only one walks out wearing the crown. The other four can walk it off.

5 weeks ago · 6 min

A marabou stork standing with hunched shoulders, bald pink head, and a long dangling throat pouch, looking like it is about to read you a eulogy.A pale, armored giant isopod on the dark Gulf of Mexico sea floor, its overlapping plated body and many legs making it look like an alien parking clamp.A thorny devil lizard on red desert ground, its whole body covered in conical spikes, with a large spiny knob behind its head.A large brown goliath birdeater tarantula specimen shown from above, its thick hairy legs spread across nearly the width of a dinner plate.

Marabou Stork vs Giant Isopod vs Thorny Devil vs Goliath Birdeater: An Undertaker Bird That Pees on Its Own Legs, a Deep-Sea Roly-Poly That Skipped Food for 5 Years, a Lizard That Drinks Through Its Skin, and a Dinner-Plate Spider That Hisses

A bird that cools off by defecating on itself, a crustacean the size of a football that fasted longer than most gym memberships, a desert lizard that turns rain into a beverage, and a spider you can hear from across the room. One crown, four bad decisions by evolution.

5 weeks ago · 6 min

A metallic emerald-green jewel wasp with red-orange upper legs perched on a leafAn Atlantic mudskipper resting on wet mud with bulging eyes set high on its headA live Pyrenean desman cupped in a hand, showing its long trunk-like snoutA common potoo perched upright on a branch with mottled grey-brown camouflage plumage

Jewel Wasp vs Atlantic Mudskipper vs Pyrenean Desman vs Common Potoo: A Wasp That Does Brain Surgery on Roaches and Walks Them to Their Grave, a Fish That Went for a Walk, a Trumpet-Nosed Mole That Eats Half Itself Daily, and a Bird That Turns Into a Log and Watches You Through Shut Eyes

Four animals, zero things in common, one crown. We judge on cool, weird, and gross, the only metrics that have ever mattered.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

A shoebill standing upright showing its massive clog-shaped hooked bill and pale grey plumageA shaggy striped hairy frogfish resting on the seafloor covered in whisker-like skin spinesA bright red and black fuzzy velvet ant, a wingless wasp, walking on the groundA long-eared jerboa, a tiny desert rodent with enormous ears and long hind legs

Shoebill vs Hairy Frogfish vs Velvet Ant vs Long-Eared Jerboa: A Statue That Swallows Crocodiles, a Fish in a Bad Wig, a Wasp Named After Killing Cattle It Never Killed, and a Rodent That Is 80 Percent Ears

Four kingdoms of vibe, zero theme, one winner. Judged only on cool, weird, and gross.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

A tiger pistol shrimp, banded and cream-colored, at the entrance of its sandy burrowA Texas horned lizard on dry ground, showing its spiky crown of horns and mottled tan camouflageA hoatzin perched in foliage, showing its spiky rufous crest, blue face, and red eye

Tiger Pistol Shrimp vs Texas Horned Lizard vs Hoatzin: A Shrimp That Fires a Sun-Hot Bubble, a Lizard That Shoots Blood From Its Eyes, and a Bird That Ferments Like a Cow and Smells Like One

One crustacean, one reptile, one bird, and three completely unrelated ways to horrify a predator. Let's judge them on cool, weird, and gross.

6 weeks ago · 5 min

Scanning electron micrograph of an active Milnesium tardigradum showing its plump body, eight stubby legs, and clawed feet.A live pink sea pig (Scotoplanes globosa) on the deep-sea floor with a small juvenile crab sheltering beneath it.A superb lyrebird standing on the forest floor, showing its long ornate tail and brown plumage.

Tardigrade vs Sea Pig vs Superb Lyrebird: A Bug That Survived Space, a Pig That Walks on the Sea Floor, and a Bird That Does a Chainsaw Impression

Three animals from three completely unrelated corners of existence, judged on cool, weird, and gross, because consistency is for cowards.

7 weeks ago · 5 min

A hairless, wrinkled pink naked mole-rat with prominent front teethA small dark reddish juvenile vampire squid drifting among white particles in deep waterA black male magnificent frigatebird with a red throat pouch beside a white-headed juvenile

Naked Mole-Rat vs Vampire Squid vs Magnificent Frigatebird: An Unkillable Wrinkly Sausage, a Squid From Hell That Eats Snow, and a Bird That Mugs You Mid-Air

One refuses to die. One refuses to be a real squid. One refuses to ever land. Three categories, one winner, zero editing.

7 weeks ago · 5 min