lamalo

Animal comparisons nobody asked for

by someone who loves to compare irrelevant things

Tag

#deep-sea

16 matchups tagged deep-sea.

A wild platypus swimming in a creek in TasmaniaA Galapagos marine iguana resting on volcanic rock on Espanola IslandA northern stargazer fish specimen with its eyes and upturned mouth on the top of its blunt headA live frilled shark swimming in the deep sea, showing its long eel-like bodyClose-up of a southern cassowary's grey scaly feet showing the long dagger-like inner-toe claws

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Milk-Sweating Duck-Mole That Glows, a Salt-Sneezing Sea Lizard, a Fish With Its Face on the Roof, a 300-Toothed Dino Eel, and a Bird That Kicks Like a Velociraptor

Five weekday winners, one crown, zero chill. The champions of the week face off to decide who is the coolest, weirdest, and grossest of them all.

2 weeks ago · 7 min

A plump, dark purplish-grey Indian purple frog with a tiny head and pointed snout sitting on wet ground.Close-up looking into the open mouth of an Atlantic wolffish, showing its fang-like front teeth and rows of blunt crushing teeth.A black marine iguana basking on lava rock in the Galapagos Islands.A dense pile of pale, hairy Kiwa yeti crabs swarming a deep-sea hydrothermal vent chimney on the Antarctic seafloor.

Purple Frog vs Atlantic Wolffish vs Marine Iguana vs Hoff Crab: A Purple Water Balloon That Lives Underground, a Fish With Three Kinds of Teeth, a Lizard That Sneezes Salt and Shrinks Its Own Skeleton, and a Blind Crab Named After Hasselhoff's Chest

Four animals from four different classes, zero good decisions between them. We rank them on cool, weird, and gross, and somebody has to win.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

A pale-throated three-toed sloth clinging to a branch, arms outstretched, with a faint greenish tint to its furClose-up of a frilled shark's head and open mouth showing rows of needle-like teethA giraffe weevil with bright red wing cases and a long black neck perched on a green leafA tiny transparent Turritopsis dohrnii jellyfish with a bright red central stomach

Pale-Throated Sloth vs Frilled Shark vs Giraffe Weevil vs Immortal Jellyfish: A Mammal That Poops Once a Week and Might Die Doing It, a Dinosaur Eel With 300 Trident Teeth, a Bug Built Like a Construction Crane, and a Rice Grain That Refuses to Die

One animal literally cannot die. So naturally I gave it a hard time about it.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

The metallic blue-green emerald cockroach wasp (Ampulex compressa), also called the jewel waspClose-up profile of a marabou stork's bald pinkish head, massive wedge-shaped bill, and reddish neck skinA small blue-and-silver Glaucus atlanticus (blue dragon sea slug) with outstretched finger-like cerata on wet sand1896 scientific illustration of the pelican eel (Eurypharynx pelecanoides), a dark deep-sea eel with an enormous loose-hinged mouth and a long whip-like tailA long-eared jerboa (Euchoreutes naso), a tiny sandy-colored rodent with enormous ears

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Corpse Stork That Poops on Its Own Legs, a Fish That Is Mostly Mouth, a Wasp That Does Roach Brain Surgery, a Slug That Robs a Man o' War, and a Gerbil Wearing Satellite Dishes

Five weekday winners walk into the arena. Only one walks out wearing the crown. The other four can walk it off.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

A marabou stork standing with hunched shoulders, bald pink head, and a long dangling throat pouch, looking like it is about to read you a eulogy.A pale, armored giant isopod on the dark Gulf of Mexico sea floor, its overlapping plated body and many legs making it look like an alien parking clamp.A thorny devil lizard on red desert ground, its whole body covered in conical spikes, with a large spiny knob behind its head.A large brown goliath birdeater tarantula specimen shown from above, its thick hairy legs spread across nearly the width of a dinner plate.

Marabou Stork vs Giant Isopod vs Thorny Devil vs Goliath Birdeater: An Undertaker Bird That Pees on Its Own Legs, a Deep-Sea Roly-Poly That Skipped Food for 5 Years, a Lizard That Drinks Through Its Skin, and a Dinner-Plate Spider That Hisses

A bird that cools off by defecating on itself, a crustacean the size of a football that fasted longer than most gym memberships, a desert lizard that turns rain into a beverage, and a spider you can hear from across the room. One crown, four bad decisions by evolution.

3 weeks ago · 6 min

A shaggy black binturong with a long tail resting on a wooden platformA dark giant vinegaroon with pincer-like pedipalps and a long thin whip tail on soilHistorical scientific illustration of the pelican eel with an enormous mouth and long whip tailA mata mata turtle with a knobby leaf-like shell and a broad flat triangular head underwater

Binturong vs Vinegaroon vs Pelican Eel vs Mata Mata Turtle: A Bearcat That Smells Like Movie Popcorn, an Arachnid That Sprays Vinegar From Its Butt, an Eel That Is 90 Percent Mouth, and a Turtle Pretending to Be Wet Garbage

One mammal, one arachnid, one fish, one reptile, zero good decisions. Four wildly unrelated animals enter, and I judge them on how cool, weird, and gross they are.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

A burrowed bobbit worm (Eunice aphroditois) with iridescent body emerging from sedimentA large coconut crab (Birgus latro) with thick blue and orange legs on the groundA blue dragon sea slug (Glaucus atlanticus) with bright blue frilly cerata held in a handClose-up front view of an agile antechinus (Antechinus agilis), a small brown marsupial, on cloth

Bobbit Worm vs Coconut Crab vs Blue Dragon Sea Slug vs Agile Antechinus: A 10-Foot Sand Bear Trap, a Tree-Climbing Nutcracker That Weighs 9 Pounds, a Grape-Sized Slug That Mugs a Man o' War for Its Weapons, and a Mouse That Has So Much Sex It Falls Apart

A worm, a crab, a slug, and a marsupial walk into a bar. Three of them leave. One of them is legally dead from exhaustion.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

A shoebill standing upright showing its massive clog-shaped hooked bill and pale grey plumageA shaggy striped hairy frogfish resting on the seafloor covered in whisker-like skin spinesA bright red and black fuzzy velvet ant, a wingless wasp, walking on the groundA long-eared jerboa, a tiny desert rodent with enormous ears and long hind legs

Shoebill vs Hairy Frogfish vs Velvet Ant vs Long-Eared Jerboa: A Statue That Swallows Crocodiles, a Fish in a Bad Wig, a Wasp Named After Killing Cattle It Never Killed, and a Rodent That Is 80 Percent Ears

Four kingdoms of vibe, zero theme, one winner. Judged only on cool, weird, and gross.

4 weeks ago · 5 min

A barreleye fish specimen collected during a NOAA Gulf of Alaska seamounts expedition, showing its rounded head and upward eyesA Texas horned lizard on sandy ground, showing its flattened spiny body and crown of cranial hornsA wetapunga giant weta specimen from the Auckland Museum entomology collection, showing its heavy body and long spiny legsA pink fairy armadillo showing its small pale-pink dorsal shell and large front digging clawsA live Osedax japonicus bone-eating worm on display at Enoshima Aquarium in Japan

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: A Glass-Headed Fish, a Blood-Squirting Lizard, a Sparrow-Sized Bug, a Blushing Sand Swimmer, and the Mouthless Worm That Ate Them All

Five weekday winners walk into the ring. One of them does not have a mouth, and somehow that is the one you should be afraid of.

4 weeks ago · 6 min

A Hispaniolan solenodon, a brown shrew-like mammal with a long flexible snout and small eyesA barreleye fish specimen collected from the deep sea, dome not intactA large glossy black Lord Howe Island stick insect specimen

Hispaniolan Solenodon vs Barreleye vs Lord Howe Tree Lobster: A Venomous Fossil That Smells Like a Goat, a Fish With a See-Through Skull, and a Bug That Came Back From the Dead

A mammal older than the last dinosaurs, a fish that looks up through its own transparent forehead, and the rarest insect on Earth walk into a bar. One leaves with a crown.

4 weeks ago · 5 min

A hairy frog, Trichobatrachus robustus, showing the hair-like dermal filaments along its flankA sea lamprey, Petromyzon marinus, showing its long eel-like body and round jawless sucker mouthOsedax japonicus bone-eating worms on display at Enoshima Aquarium, showing red feathery plumes

Hairy Frog vs Sea Lamprey vs Osedax Zombie Worm: A Frog That Grows Wolverine Claws From Its Own Snapped Bones, a Jawless Mouth-Ring That Drinks You, and a Worm With No Mouth That Eats Skeletons

Three creatures that all read the body-horror handbook and highlighted different chapters. A frog, a jawless not-quite-fish, and a boneless worm walk into a bar. Nobody leaves with all their fluids.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

Scanning electron micrograph of an active Milnesium tardigradum showing its plump body, eight stubby legs, and clawed feet.A hairless, wrinkled pink naked mole-rat with prominent front teethA tongue-eating louse sitting inside the open mouth of a striped seabream where the tongue used to beA Pacific hagfish poking out of a hole on the seafloor at 150 meters depthA bombardier beetle of the genus Brachinus with an orange thorax and dark blue wing covers.

Weekend Special - Champion of the Week

Champion of the Week: Five Weekday Winners, One Crown

A space-proof bug, a deathless sausage, a tongue thief, a highway-slimer, and a butt-cannon beetle walk into a Saturday. Only one is Critter of the Week.

5 weeks ago · 6 min

Scanning electron micrograph of an active Milnesium tardigradum showing its plump body, eight stubby legs, and clawed feet.A live pink sea pig (Scotoplanes globosa) on the deep-sea floor with a small juvenile crab sheltering beneath it.A superb lyrebird standing on the forest floor, showing its long ornate tail and brown plumage.

Tardigrade vs Sea Pig vs Superb Lyrebird: A Bug That Survived Space, a Pig That Walks on the Sea Floor, and a Bird That Does a Chainsaw Impression

Three animals from three completely unrelated corners of existence, judged on cool, weird, and gross, because consistency is for cowards.

5 weeks ago · 5 min

A hairless, wrinkled pink naked mole-rat with prominent front teethA small dark reddish juvenile vampire squid drifting among white particles in deep waterA black male magnificent frigatebird with a red throat pouch beside a white-headed juvenile

Naked Mole-Rat vs Vampire Squid vs Magnificent Frigatebird: An Unkillable Wrinkly Sausage, a Squid From Hell That Eats Snow, and a Bird That Mugs You Mid-Air

One refuses to die. One refuses to be a real squid. One refuses to ever land. Three categories, one winner, zero editing.

6 weeks ago · 5 min

A wild aye-aye clinging to a tree trunk at night, showing its large eyes, big ears, and thin fingersA Pacific hagfish poking out of a hole on the seafloor at 150 meters depthA velvet worm (Oroperipatus) photographed in Yasuni National Park, Ecuador, showing its soft segmented body and stubby legs

Aye-Aye vs Hagfish vs Velvet Worm: A Skeleton Finger, a Snot Bomb, and a 500-Million-Year-Old Glue Gun

One mammal, one jawless fish, one ancient invertebrate. Three completely unrelated ways to be deeply upsetting.

6 weeks ago · 5 min

A goblin shark showing its long flat snout and protrusible jawsA Chinese pangolin covered in brown keratin scalesA translucent green glass frog perched on a leaf

Goblin Shark vs Pangolin vs Glass Frog: A Slingshot Jaw, a Walking Pinecone, and a Frog You Can See Through

A deep-sea living fossil that fires its own face, an armored ant-vacuum that rolls into a ball, and an amphibian whose internal organs are a spectator sport.

7 weeks ago · 5 min

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